you would pick up someone in the library
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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