If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
