just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
