There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
