you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
