i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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