i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
