I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
