is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
