I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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