you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
