I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
