he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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