T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
