problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
