nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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