There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
