my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
