Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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