I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
