i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
