eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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