oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
