i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
