remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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