so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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