I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
