Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
