WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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