My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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