you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just invented taco cereal.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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