I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
