I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
