you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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