used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
