I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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