your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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