WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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