problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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