he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
