Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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