she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
