So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
