party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
