He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
