They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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