My room smells like vodka and shame
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
