He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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