oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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