I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
