i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you mean i was at the winter classic?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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