he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
