What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
