remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
