hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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