every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
