I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize