Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I wear drunk well.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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