ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
