If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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