I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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