Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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