I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize