just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
