My nipple is on Facebook.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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